The Groupon Guide to: Fear of the Dark
Fear of the dark is the third most common phobia, right behind fear of public speaking and fear of otherwise-normal babies with no faces. Here are some ways to cope with being afraid of the dark.
Have a family member or someone you trust strap you down and force you to view a beautiful sunset. As day gives over to cold, uncertain night, your mouth's natural foaming will prevent you from chewing through your straps, and, come morning, you'll either be completely cured or insane enough to have become a great piano player.
Darkness is nothing more than the absence of light. To make light present, try setting everything you own on fire. When you run out of things to burn, use the insurance money to purchase more possessions.
Most people fear the dark because it may hide unknown entities. Relieve your fear of the unknown by spending every night memorizing the faces and methods of serial killers.
Confront the darkness inside you by goading an adult sibling into beating it out of you on the lawn during a holiday. If he or she chooses to help you up, head inside for a viewing of The Muppets Take Manhattan. If he or she leaves you on your back, you have implicit permission to take your sibling's truck and "get out of here—just go."
[very strange huh?]
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